Day 27a – a bit of a rewrite

So, looking at what I’ve written so far and need just a bit more tension I think.  So a rewrite to the discovery of William’s body.

He should have left the moment he place the locket. A man that looked as he did could not be found by a dead boy and thought innocent.  But he could not bring himself to desert the  child.  He should not be left alone.  He waited a number of hours.  The path was not well used, which  was why each party had chosen the location.  Neither Justine nor the creature wished to be seen.

He kept himself close enough to the woods to escape quickly, but he had not anticipated that it was from the woods that the next wanderers would appear.  He ducked into the nearby brush when he heard their approach and hoped they spotted the corpse before they noticed him.  The group, an older man and what looked to be his three sons, suddenly stopped and dropped the wood they were carrying.  It was the child they saw first.  The creature used the clatter to cover the noise of his leaving the bushes.  He managed to run twenty-nine of the thirty metres to the cover of the trees before the youngest of their group saw him.  The boy started to run after the creature before he called attention to him so the others did not manage to see him.  He had no trouble outrunning the boy but immediately stopped when his two brothers followed.  A forest cannot be run through silently and he did not want to be found, so he crouched behind a tree, listening.

“What is it boy.  What did you see?”

“I don’t know, but he was big.  A giant with bright red hair.  He’s up there I think.”

“This way?”

“Yes, maybe a bit more to the left.  Yes, that way.”

The creature could hear the two approaching.  All four of them held still and listened, the tallest with a hand up indicating silence.

One of them started to move.  The creature could hear the snapping of twigs as he neared.

There was a call from the clearing.  “Boys!  Out here.  I need a couple of you to watch the body.”  There was a whistle.  “Come on boys.  His family needs to know.”

The creature could hear two of them leave, but the closest didn’t move.

Some sort of conversation took place by the body and then one of them came back.

“Come on Walter.  Don’t know if Joseph’s giant exists or not.  But who ever killed the boy was small.  You can see the bruises on his poor neck.  And old lady Gerber says she saw some strange young woman coming out of her nephew’s barn earlier and she wouldn’t say what she was doing there when asked.”

Walter stood in his spot a moment or two longer and then the creature could hear him walk to his brother.

“Father says it’s the Frankenstein boy.  We’re just going to let the poor souls know.”

The creature stayed in his spot until he felt all danger had passed.  Then he ran.


Author: karensnovemberbook

I am a textile artist, cafe owner and mother of two who has decided I don't have enough to do and so am going to write a novel in a month. Hey, it's easier with a clear deadline, right? Here goes. . .

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